Gratitude Redefined: Embracing Your Feelings During the Thanksgiving Season

As I’m sitting here at my desk the morning before Thanksgiving, I’m reflecting on a conversation I just had with another therapist in our office. She noted that she has 9 appointments scheduled with counseling clients today. That’s actually a lot, probably the maximum a therapist can see in a single day. 5 clients is considered a “full day” but sometimes our clinicians will schedule as many as 6-8. They’ll only see 9 on a really, really busy day. Like today.

So, why would one of our therapists schedule 9 clients today? Because Thanksgiving (or any major holiday for that matter) can be a really triggering, stressful holiday for many of the clients we help at Aspire Counseling. The very things that make it so wonderful can make it hard for many people as well. We work with a lot of trauma survivors including those who have been assaulted, sometimes even by family members or who have family members who weren’t particularly helpful as they recovered from trauma. We also work with clients with disordered eating or those struggling with OCD. Even our clients with depression may find it hard to find the motivation to express gratitude this week.

The truth is that the Thanksgiving season is often synonymous with feelings of gratitude, warmth, and togetherness. It's a time when families gather around tables laden with delicious food, when we take a moment to reflect on our blessings, and when we express our thankfulness. However, for many individuals, especially those facing mental health challenges or dealing with past traumas, the holiday season can be more complex. It may evoke feelings of anxiety, sadness, or even dread.

As our therapists are working hard to support our clients today, I have a diminishing caseload myself as I’m preparing to take a couple of months off from working one on one with clients myself to do some extended traveling. So I’m going to take a little time instead to share my thoughts about how to redefine gratitude. I want to emphasize that it's okay to feel a range of emotions during Thanksgiving. And, I’d like to provide practical strategies, rooted in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), to help you navigate this season with self-compassion and resilience.

Gratitude: Beyond the Surface

So often, the gratitude expressed during the holiday season exists alongside pain. You may have witnessed this familiar scenario: family and friends gathered around the table, taking turns to name things they're grateful for. "I'm grateful for my family," someone says. "I'm grateful for my health," another chimes in. "I'm grateful for football," a third person adds with a smile, eliciting chuckles all around. It's a ritual that appears joyful on the surface. However, for those grappling with depression, it can feel superficial and contrived. Those struggling with eating disorders may find themselves increasingly anxious about the abundance of food on the table. And for individuals with OCD, intrusive thoughts may be triggered repeatedly during the meal.

Understanding the Layers of Your Emotions

Thanksgiving is often portrayed as a time of pure joy and celebration, a time when gratitude should reign supreme. But for many of us, especially those who have faced adversity, mental health challenges, or trauma, this season can be a complex emotional landscape. It's essential to recognize that your feelings during this time are entirely valid. You are not alone in experiencing a mix of emotions, and there's no need to put on a facade of unbridled joy just because it's a holiday.

Imagine this scenario: Sarah, a young mother who has recently begun therapy to address past trauma, is approaching Thanksgiving with mixed emotions. On one hand, she's grateful for her beautiful family and the progress she's making in therapy. On the other hand, the holiday brings up painful memories of a traumatic event from her childhood. This year, she's not just thinking about turkey and stuffing; she's navigating a complex emotional journey.

Sarah's experience is a reminder that emotions are like waves in the ocean—they ebb and flow. Some moments might be filled with gratitude and warmth, while others could be tinged with sadness, anxiety, or uncertainty. All of these emotions are valid and worthy of acknowledgment.

The Dialectic of Gratitude & Pain

In dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), there's a concept known as the dialectic. It's the idea that two seemingly contradictory things can be true at the same time. Applied here, it means you can hold gratitude for the positive aspects of your life and acknowledge the pain or struggle you might be experiencing. It's not an either-or situation. You don't have to choose between being grateful or acknowledging your pain. Both can coexist. This dialectic encourages you to embrace the complexity of your emotions, allowing room for both gratitude and pain at the same table.

Practical Skills for Better Mental Health this Thanksgiving

If you or someone you love is struggling with depression, OCD, PTSD, anxiety or disordered eating this Thanksgiving weekend and worried about how it will feel to face all of the upcoming family get together, I want to offer you a few practical skills that I hope will be helpful.

Practical DBT Skill: Emotional Validation

Another DBT skill worth discussing when we’re talking about the complex emotions that can come up on Thanksgiving is the concept of emotional validation. Emotional validation is a fundamental aspect of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), and it's a skill that can help you navigate the intricacies of your emotions during the Thanksgiving season. It involves recognizing and acknowledging your feelings without judgment. It's about telling yourself that what you're experiencing is entirely understandable given your unique circumstances.

Imagine sitting with your emotions like a compassionate friend. Instead of berating yourself for not feeling a certain way, you offer yourself understanding and kindness. For example, you might say to yourself, "It's okay that I'm feeling a mix of emotions during Thanksgiving. It makes sense given my journey." By practicing emotional validation, you're extending the same empathy and compassion that a therapist at Aspire Counseling would offer you.

Remember, your emotions are like the colors on an artist's palette—vibrant, varied, and essential for creating a meaningful picture of your life. Whether you're touched by moments of gratitude or grappling with more complex feelings, each emotion is a brushstroke that contributes to the masterpiece of your authentic self.

So, as you approach Thanksgiving, know that it's okay to feel the way you do. Embrace your emotions, let them flow, and remember that you are never alone on this journey. By practicing self validation, you are not just redefining gratitude; you are redefining your relationship with yourself—a relationship rooted in self-compassion, understanding, and resilience.

Cultivating Mindful Gratitude: Embracing the Present Moment

One way to redefine gratitude is to cultivate mindful awareness of the present moment. Often, we become overwhelmed by thoughts of past traumas or future worries during the holidays. Instead, focus on the here and now. Engage your senses—savor the aroma of a Thanksgiving dish, feel the warmth of a cozy blanket, or listen to the laughter of loved ones. Mindfulness brings us back to the present, allowing us to find gratitude in small, everyday moments.

If you find yourself struggling to do this and getting caught up in thinking about the past or worrying about what’s going to happen later in the day, try practicing the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding skill. This is one of my favorite ways to help people re-center themselves in the present moment.

Practical DBT Skill: Mindfulness

In the midst of the holiday whirlwind, finding moments of peace can feel like a precious gift to yourself. That's where mindfulness comes into play. Imagine it as your personal mental sanctuary, a place where you can take a break from the chaos and ground yourself in the present moment.

Mindfulness is like a mental muscle that you can strengthen over time. It's about gently nudging your focus away from past regrets or future worries and into the here and now. You don't need to set aside hours for meditation (although if you do have 20 minutes or more you can take to yourself you might want to try Progressive Muscle Relaxation) or purchase fancy equipment. Mindfulness can be as simple as pausing for a few moments during your day.

One easy practice is to focus on your breath. Take a few deep breaths, paying attention to the rise and fall of your chest or the sensation of air entering and leaving your nostrils. If your mind wanders—don't worry; it's what minds tend to do—gently redirect your focus back to your breath. Once you’ve practiced a bit, you might want to try different versions of paced breathing. It’s ok if it does take a little practice. That’s natural. Everyone’s mind wanders. It's a bit like training a puppy; it may take a little patience, but it's worth it.

You can also engage in mindfulness meditation exercises, where you deliberately bring your awareness to different aspects of your experience, like the sounds around you, bodily sensations, or even the taste of a bite of food. The beauty of mindfulness is that it can be integrated into your daily life, no matter how busy it gets. It's a tool that can help you reconnect with the present moment and navigate the Thanksgiving season with greater ease and self-compassion.

Setting Boundaries with Compassion

During the holiday season, social obligations seem to fill up every square on the calendar. For those navigating the complexities of mental health, these gatherings can feel particularly daunting. The good news is that it's not only perfectly acceptable to set boundaries, but it's also a crucial act of self-compassion.

Consider this scenario: Alex, who has been managing depression, receives a flurry of invitations to various holiday parties and gatherings. Each invitation carries a weight of expectations—be cheery, be social, and put on a brave face. For Alex, who's been working hard in therapy to find emotional stability, this pressure can feel overwhelming.

Here's where the art of boundary-setting comes into play. It's an act of self-care, a way of saying, "I value my well-being, and I'm choosing to prioritize it." The next time you're confronted with social obligations that feel emotionally taxing, consider the DBT skill of DEARMAN:

Describe: Be clear and specific about your feelings and needs. For example, "I've been managing anxiety, and I need to limit social engagements to avoid feeling overwhelmed."

Express: Share your feelings and perspective honestly but respectfully. "I appreciate the invitation, and I want you to know that it's not a reflection of my feelings towards you. I'm just taking steps to care for myself right now."

Assert: State your boundaries and needs assertively, but without aggression. "I hope you understand that I need some time to recharge and prioritize my mental health. I won't be able to attend this time."

Reinforce: Highlight the positive outcomes of respecting your boundaries. "By taking this time for myself, I'll be in a better place to engage and enjoy our time together in the future."

Mindful: Stay mindful of your objectives and don't get sidetracked. "I understand if this is disappointing, but it's essential for my well-being right now."

Appear confident: Maintain a composed and self-assured demeanor. Remember, setting boundaries is an act of self-respect and self-compassion.

Negotiate: Be open to finding compromises when possible. "I'd love to connect with you at a later time for a one-on-one coffee or chat when I'm feeling more at ease."

By using DEARMAN, you're not only setting boundaries, but you're also doing so with compassion—both for yourself and for those around you. This approach can help you navigate social pressures with confidence and grace, ensuring that your mental health remains a top priority during the holiday season.

Practical ACT Skill: Values Clarification

One powerful way to navigate the challenges of the holiday season is by connecting with your core values. Values are the guiding principles that shape our lives, and they play a pivotal role in decision-making. At Aspire Counseling, we understand the significance of values, and it's something we discuss with our clients regularly. This practice can be especially beneficial during the holidays.

Let's explore how values clarification can help you make decisions that align with your well-being and mental health goals. Imagine you're faced with numerous social obligations—a common scenario during this time of year. Instead of succumbing to pressure or saying "yes" out of guilt, pause and reflect on your values.

Consider this example: Emma, who's been working with her therapist on values clarification, receives a flurry of holiday party invitations. As she sifts through them, she takes a moment to connect with her core values: authenticity, self-care, and meaningful connections. Armed with this insight, Emma evaluates each invitation against her values.

She realizes that some events may involve superficial interactions, which don't align with her value of meaningful connections. Others might clash with her need for self-care, potentially leading to stress and anxiety. Armed with this self-awareness, Emma feels empowered to respond to the invitations in a way that prioritizes her well-being.

This is where the ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) skill of values clarification comes into play. Here's how you can apply it:

Identify Your Values: Take time to reflect on your core values and priorities. What truly matters to you? Is it family, self-care, authenticity, or something else?

Align with Your Values: When faced with social obligations or decisions, ask yourself if they align with your values. Will attending an event honor what's most important to you?

Practice Self-Compassion: If an invitation doesn't align with your values or mental health goals, it's okay to decline with kindness. Remember that prioritizing your well-being is an act of self-compassion.

Reflect and Adjust: Regularly revisit your values and reflect on whether your decisions are in harmony with them. Adjust as needed to ensure you're staying true to what matters most.

By practicing values clarification, you're not only making decisions that support your mental health but also fostering a deeper sense of authenticity and fulfillment during the holiday season. It's a powerful tool that empowers you to navigate social pressures with confidence and self-compassion.

Connecting with Support/Lean on Your Support System

Thanksgiving can be a time to reach out to your support system, whether it's friends, family, or a therapist. Talking to someone you trust about your feelings can be incredibly therapeutic. Share your concerns, fears, or challenges. You don't have to navigate this season alone.

Practical ACT Skill: Values-Based Action

During the holiday season, it's crucial to engage in actions that resonate with your core values. For many, one of these values is the importance of seeking connection and support during challenging times. At Aspire Counseling, we understand the significance of values-based action and how it can positively impact your mental health, especially when faced with holiday-related stressors.

Let's delve into how values-based action can be a game-changer in your holiday season. Picture this scenario: Sarah, who has been working with her therapist on aligning her actions with her values, finds herself feeling overwhelmed by the holiday preparations. She values connection, and the idea of spending quality time with her family is deeply important to her.

However, as the holiday tasks pile up, Sarah begins to feel stressed and disconnected. Instead of succumbing to the pressure, she decides to act in line with her values. She reaches out to her sister and suggests a joint holiday baking session, something they both used to enjoy as kids. It's an opportunity for connection, reminiscing, and creating new memories.

This is where the ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) skill of values-based action comes into play. Here's how you can apply it:

Identify Your Values: As we discussed above, take a moment to reflect on your core values, especially the ones that matter most during the holiday season. Is it connection, support, authenticity, or something else?

Choose Aligned Actions: Once you've identified your values, consider actions that resonate with them. How can you incorporate these values into your holiday activities?

Reach Out for Support: Don't hesitate to lean on your support network. Connect with trusted friends, family members, or a therapist to discuss your feelings and experiences. Sharing your thoughts can provide comfort and validation.

Create Meaningful Moments: Look for opportunities to create meaningful moments that align with your values. It could be as simple as a heartfelt conversation, a shared activity, or a gesture of kindness.

By practicing values-based action, you're not only nurturing your mental health but also fostering deeper connections and meaning during the holiday season. It's a way to stay true to what matters most to you and find fulfillment amidst the holiday hustle and bustle.

Your Mental Health Matters This Thanksgiving

As you approach the Thanksgiving season, remember that gratitude isn't about suppressing difficult emotions or pretending everything is perfect. It's about embracing the full spectrum of your feelings with self-compassion. By acknowledging and validating your emotions, practicing mindfulness, setting boundaries, and seeking support, you can redefine gratitude in a way that's authentic and healing. You've got the skills within you to navigate this season with resilience, and it's perfectly okay to lean on them. Your mental health matters, and you deserve a Thanksgiving filled with self-compassion and support.

Begin Therapy at Aspire Counseling this Holiday Season

The holiday season can bring about a whirlwind of emotions, and at Aspire Counseling, we want you to know that you don't have to navigate it alone. Whether you're dealing with the complex feelings that often arise during this time of year or facing ongoing mental health challenges, we're here to support you every step of the way.

Our team of dedicated therapists specializes in a range of mental health areas, including trauma recovery, depression, anxiety, OCD, and disordered eating. Aspire Counseling has therapists who see clients in person at our Lee’s Summit office near Blue Springs, at our Columbia office in Mid Missouri as well as offering online counseling to anyone in Missouri. We understand that the holidays can be both joyful and challenging, and we're here to provide a safe, compassionate space where you can explore your emotions, build valuable skills, and find support.

Starting therapy during the holiday season can be a gift to yourself—a commitment to your well-being and a step towards greater mental and emotional health. We offer both in-person and online therapy options, so you can choose the format that suits you best. Our goal is to help you discover the strength and resilience within you, allowing you to embrace the holiday season and the new year ahead with greater ease and self-compassion.

If you're ready to embark on a journey of self-discovery, healing, and personal growth, we invite you to begin therapy with us at Aspire Counseling. Once you get through this hectic Thanksgiving weekend, reach out to us to schedule your first session and take the first step towards a brighter, more empowered future.

About the Author

Jessica Tappana, the founder of Aspire Counseling, is a dedicated mental health advocate with a passion for helping individuals find healing and transformation. With a wealth of experience in the field, Jessica specializes in working with survivors of sexual assault, addressing nightmares, and providing support for those facing panic disorder. Her areas of expertise extend to teens, college students, and professional women, where she has made a lasting impact on countless lives.

Currently on a six-month break from seeing clients to embark on a family adventure of extended travel, Jessica remains deeply committed to the practice's mission. Her focus has shifted to ensuring that the clinicians at Aspire Counseling have all the tools and support they need to provide the highest quality of care to their clients.

Under her guidance, Aspire Counseling continues to offer evidence-based counseling services that not only foster genuine healing but also provide effective, personalized, and supportive care to every individual who seeks their services. Jessica's unwavering dedication to mental health shines through in every aspect of Aspire Counseling's approach, making it a trusted source of support and transformation for all those in need.